Talk about emotional roller coaster... I have been a bit upset the last few days trying to figure out how to best be there to love & support my son & how to make sure I'm taking care of myself as well. I think it's because of the high level of stress we've had in the last week, but I've really struggled getting my milk in (which Porter needs badly! Breast milk is his only source of anti-bodies he has right now. His body is too small to have his own yet), & all the running around since last Friday (when I had my c-section) my body is on overload. I battle not feeling like I'm abandoning my baby boy every time I'm not in his room at the hospital.
I talked with out sweet nurse Rebecca yesterday & she tried to explain to me that Porter is doing great, but their job is to simulate him still being in the womb as much as possible. Low amount of light, quiet voices, low amount of touching. For him to be touched and quietly talked to is way too much stimulation for his little body! For 3 more months he should be in a dark, quiet pool of water with no gravity.
It's difficult to be told that there is really nothing you can to do to comfort your own baby! You should be able to hold your baby & sing to them & rock them when they are upset. Not just sit by & watch the nurses try to make him comfortable.
(sorry this post isn't so positive, I'm just trying to find an outlet for everything going on. I hope I don't upset anyone. But I want our blog to be as accurate as possible to what we are going through)
5 comments:
Marye I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through this! You have been though a lot and I think it is normal to feel this way. When I was pregnant with Maelie I had a friend who had her baby 13 weeks early. I know how hard it was for her to go through similar things. I don't know if it would help or not but I can get her in touch with you if you want to talk to her. I know she could relate, and may be able to help you. Let me know! Good luck with everything. We keep you in our prayers.
I found your blog while I was blog hopping around--I hope you don't mind that I stopped and looked at your blog. I had my baby 14 weeks early and she is now 3 years old. Had her up at the U, spent almost 6months there and I feel like I can totally relate to some of what you're dealing with. Hang in there. It is super hard to balance life and emotions and feelings. I remember being told that I couldn't even lift the blanket on the isolette on a particular day and it made me so upset!! :) Good luck in your journey with Porter. Lots of prayers going your way....
Marye,
You're doing a wonderful job. No other baby could be born to a better mommy and daddy who are so strong in their faith in Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, and the power of the Holy Ghost. He is definately a fighter and has the most beautiful sister keeping him safe. If you need anything at all, just call me.
-Amanda
Vent away - it's an incredibly stressful time and you need to release your fears as well.
My milk with Bekah didn't come in until 5 days after my c-section - so hopefully yours is finally coming in. You may also want to talk with the staff about using milk that has been donated (there a milk banks out there for stuff like this) until your supply has increased.
You do not need to apologize for sharing your feelings. You get to feel how you feel when you feel it. There are so many people who love & support you and all we want to do is offer our love and prayers as you navigate your way through your journey. We love your family very much.
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